THE AMITYVILLE CURSE!
This is the one you've been waiting for! Or, perhaps, forgot completely about. In tackling this Canadian-made flick, we ask the crucial question, "What does this have to do with anything else in the franchise?" Anthony James Kay co-hosts.
The Amityville Horror 3d Strange aeons radio presents The Amityville Horror Show Picture Show. Sorry, strange aeons radio present. It's a Horror Picture Show. That's Eric And I'm Kelly. We are your hosts on this increasingly strange journey of the Amityville film franchise of which there are 50 some entries as of this recording. There are so many because the Amityville murders 1974 are public fact. And there is no copyright on the name of Amityville. Each episode features a revolving door of guest hosts and today I'm thrilled to introduce returning guests hosts Anthony James K, as we talked about the fifth film in the franchise, the Amityville curse. Tony, what a pleasure to see you again. absolutely delighted to see you, gentlemen, and I really appreciated that on your last strange aeons podcast or a recent one, you said, we're really going to have to pull in favors from somebody who likes us watch these movies. Yeah. And, you know, yeah, I'm figuring out what I'm going to have to do to collect on that particular enormous favor. I'm extending by by sitting through this. Although I do have a hot take on this movie, well, before that, one should take 30 seconds and brag about yourself and remind people who you are and what you do. All right. Well, my name is Tony Kay. I am a freelance writer here in the greater Seattle area. I've been writing about film and music, semi professionally, too, professionally, for about 13 years now. And I'm currently writing for a website called the sun break.com about film and writing, occasionally about music for another website called artist home.org. I will be debuting a new podcast in the fall called Reel to Reel dementia. It'll be your guided tour through the strange land, salacious thrills, and rough back alleys of genre called an exploitation cinema. I love it. Yeah, that sounds awesome. And whatever weird shit happens to strike my fancy. So that's my Blarney for the intro. Also, Eric, we have a another episode with Tony in the can where he revisits Amityville to the possession with Yes, yeah, he was disappointed. Remember, you were disappointed you couldn't take in that so we brought you in to do your own take on that. Yep. The thing is, I listened to your episode with Carlos and it was so funny. And I was like such like Ernest. This was an unsung master Well, not quite this isn't a masterpiece but this is the best one of the franchise which is a little funny bar by far. But I was like, you know, my thing was a little bit redundant, so I wasn't sure if it was ever gonna surface but yeah, yeah, I don't think it was redundant at all. It's just being used. It's being saved as like a special episode. Oh, awesome. So awesome. If I had my druthers I just have you come in after everybody's done an episode with the gaps that we missed. You go get that windy guy. He's so pithy. All right, are you guys ready to dive into this? Sure What the hell ready is ready can be. Let me tell you about our film, which is the fifth in the installment it is called the Amityville curse three years ago, and unspeakable horror gripped the town of Amity bill this house of possession has a new tenant. So this is me, Bill. Maher. There must be something wrong with this place. Hmm. Just some minor repairs and within this house, the past haunts the present to the house to the house. A past that will not die. It brought us here Mark. What is it? The house something about the house. I've been trying to communicate with ever since we got here even before and my dream of past that holds an ancient curse that strikes the liberal Justice The Amityville curse lives on. It is from 1990 It had a budget of 3.5 million Whoa, no box office because it went straight to DVD and it was it would have been 90 There would have been VHS. VHS. I did find out that it was released to theaters in the Philippines as the Amityville Horror 1993. And I could find a box office for that. Yeah. Rotten Tomatoes critics give it 17% And the audience gives it 15% That seems robbery seems generous. Anyways, Oh, nonsense. Okay, hot takes in the works. It is directed by Tom Berry, who has four directing credits, nothing really to speak of, but 601 deucing credits, that is just tons and tons of Hallmark Christmas movies and Hallmark thrillers and hallmarks. I for some reason, I was fascinated by this thing. So I actually looked a little deeper into what the hell he does. Yeah, it's a Canadian company called Real One entertainment. And the reason they're so whole marquee is several years ago, they hired a former Hallmark CEO or chief of production, and started just pumping out Hallmark style film. So it's actually not Hallmark. It's another company doing that kind of wow. I mean, it looks exactly like Hallmark. Yeah, I assumed I did not do a deep dive on them. But I looked at the cover art for all of them, and then just assumed it was absolutely because they looked like Hallmark greeting cards. Yes. He's also the chairman of the Canadian Film and Television Production Association. Oh, in other words, this directing credit is probably when he'd rather we forget this is like a tiny little pimple on the ass of his oeuvre, as it were. It was this movie was written by Michael Kruger, who had four writing credits and died the year this came out. He was not. He was 49 years old. This movie killed him. And it was also written by Doug Olson, who has one writing credit. And it's on this movie. So it stars strangely enough, Kim Coates as Frank, very unusual looking character actor that you will recognize immediately he's got 155 credits, including the Fantasy Island movie that just came out. Resident Evil Afterlife. six episodes of Prison Break. I'm gonna be called skinwalkers which I like quite a bit and then probably best known for his 92 episodes of Sons of Anarchy, which to which he is phenomenal. He is so good that it also starts Donna Reitman as Debbie 12 credits nothing much to speak of often playing roles with names like mother in train, woman in car or neighbor. I found her distractingly cute in a way that really gets me going big eyes, slender nose, kind of sexy, nerdy, kind of a poor man's body but Delia I didn't think of that. That's That's how I see it though. Also stars David Stein is Marvin 10 credits including an episode of Alfred Hitchcock Presents and an episode of the great detective in 1979. So he must have been a child actor. I really really dislike this actor and his character he's flooding. I have thoughts as we progress in the movie description. Also in this is Anthony Dean rubes as Bill he's got nine credits including Captain power and cold front and Cassandra Gava as Abigail. She has 47 credits including Ninja and movable heart, Night Shift and you listen to a dark Odyssey but probably best known as the witch that fucks Conan. Oh my god. Yes. There you go. Conan the Barbarian. Yeah, he realized looking at her going oh, I can see why you were cast to be an unusual character and an unusual Yeah, she has a unique look. Let's dive into the story on this you guys I like I do on all of these. I have watched this movie a number of times. And I am still confused. There were things that I just thought how come I haven't been able to figure out what this is after the fifth. Ideally, it's not just you. I see I hit five viewings as well. And this is this is my hot take. I think that this movie is the unsung jewel of the entire franchise the entire faux franchise. I think it's unexpectedly atmospheric. It is emotionally resonant. And I think the last fifth I'm full of shit. I'm totally full of shit. This movie is good fucking dull as dishwater for most of its running time. But my whole prod my whole progression of watching this movie is first time I sort of watched it. I found myself just drifting my attention span is drifting away so readily that it was like I got laundry done i dishes done and every time I'd peer over my shoulder when there was a music sting, and and it just like it never seen seemed to interest me and then as I continued to watch it, it sort of grew on me. And then finally when I was watching it the fifth time after to gin and tonics, and excuse me an edible that had kicked in right at the right time. I thought that this is a this is still a lame and shitty movie by most conventional stretches the imagination, but I think, and we'll talk more about this, I hope I think the last 15 minutes of this movie are colossally entertaining. Oh, it's total rubbish. But God, it's fun. Whether it's worth sitting through at all, or not, is a question because that's the equivalent like digging through an extra deep, deep pit of shit to find one little calcified turd. That is one little pearl in it. If you that's basically what I did. But if you feel like you must watch this movie, it is readily available on to be yes, I would. I would be hard pressed to say that. You need to read this movie, even as a Amityville completest you can just sort of, maybe I'll get to it someday. And you know, I, I always know you know what movies are coming up. And we've got a fairly long lead time in these and so I give myself plenty of time to do multiple viewings, but it wasn't until I've been helping my buddy clean out his parents house and it has been backbreaking exhausting work. And it wasn't until coming home from those that I was able to just sit down and watch it without my attention drifting. Okay, because I was just so tired and I was catching a lot of things. But still I have questions. Oh, yes. You're not the only one you are not the only one so the film opens on a house that is very creepy looking button obviously not the Amityville house it it's not sitting on a lake. It doesn't have the eyes it. It's brick plates. That's a big difference. Yeah. Reckon boards, but it has a soul. So it goes inside the house and there's a man playing an organ. He is a priest, and he's told that he's supposed to go to the church to hear confessions. At the church. The priest takes confession from someone who is clearly not a good guy. And we know this. Why? Because he's smoking a cigarette in the confession. Yes, but also because you should suppress in the head that'll pretty much click, which is also a strange beginning. For me. It feels like well, what are no guns are part of it, but not not generally. Well. The strangest part is that we are in a church. Yes, yes. You know, anyway, apparently the church has been closed after that or something because we see the confessional along with a bunch of other items being put in the basement of this creepy house, but I'm super confused as to why I think we're meant to understand that the house is a rectory or perhaps a clergy home rectory I think is a word that comes out at one point. But where's the church in relation to this house right there. It's just a quote down the road. Unquote. Yeah, I'm I was watching going okay. Now this is technically a crime scene. This ain't confessional box then for whatever reason they decided to pull out hole, not break it down in parts. Just lovely confessional it is a whole thing. And then take it down stairs of the same building and just leave it in the basement. Well, it's not of the same building. It wasn't out of the church out to our letters. That's that's what it took me five viewings to kind of figure out what yours was. I caught a three I caught it. Okay, well, did you catch this? We do see the size and dimensions of that confessional. And we do see the basement door that leads down. No fucking way that goes through the basement don't go together. Exactly. Then we meet a sitcom couple complete with the annoying fat boyfriend and the girlfriend who is way out of his league. Or maybe they're married except neither of them is wearing a ring. This is Marvin and Debbie and fuck you. You want to punch Marvin as hard as you can right in the face as soon as we meet him. Yes, yeah. I agree. That's the blonde guy, right? No, no, no, that's the main guy. That's not Kim. It's Marvin. It's Marvin is the whole guy who starts the old guy. This is why he's like he's like the precursor of George Costanza on Seinfeld. Yes, yes. Literally, George Costanza. Costanza was even more annoying, and was not the least bit fucking funny and sounded slightly like merged with Nathan Lane. Yes, yes, absolutely. When he first started talking, I wasn't looking at the screen and like, though, like, Who the hell okay. I think Jason Alexander was taking fucking notes. When he's and he saw this moonless little wet fart Canadian, you know, direct to video movie, and he was taking fucking notes and a year later, we had Seinfeld. It's well, I'll get to it. David Stein is owed some fucking royalties by that fat cat. So anyhow, they come across the house, which is For sale this site, they have to have it. We get a little throwback to to the Amityville because it turns out that Debbie is mildly psychic and has a bad feeling about the house immediately. And she keeps saying, I know this house, but it is clearly not the Amityville house right now, why do you know this house? So, okay, this was one of my first complaints of the quality of this tiny, the next scene is shot from inside the house as they're looking through the windows and they're having a conversation, but it is recorded literally from inside the house, and Zulu. And I have a feeling that they're probably giving us some kind of information, like maybe the house is a rectory, or something like that. You can't fucking hear a word there. So, I don't know. Also, we get our first viewing of a creepy ghost, young adult male, and his Ghost Dog, maybe Ghost Dog, maybe? Who knows? I have. I have theories on all this stuff when we get to the end. But if everybody came to the same conclusion, this movie sucks. Yeah, fuck two. Besides the ancillary point, this is the this movie. So Marvin and Debbie have convinced another three friends to buy the house with them. And apparently, they're going to flip the house. Marvin is so fucking unlikable. In every seat. We've seen him in so far that you're like, you have three friends exact that are willing to do this heavy of manual labor for you. Right? I don't seem to be remotely skilled at it now at all. And there's and there's of course, like absolute zero, like romantic or couple chemistry between Marvin and Debbie. There's just nothing blank. Fucking it's beige. It's nothing. Well, I mean, that's partly the scripts fault. And I think it's also possibly the actor playing Marvin, I don't know if he's getting the direction. Look, I want you to just be a real asshole. But it's what's the Debye actress into a position of I don't know how to act like I love this guy. Because who would know? So she's just there. She leans into the, into the Dotty crazy, I'm having visions thing, and that subsumes her life so much that she can lay off of the having to actually be affectionate to this prick thing, I suppose. So it's an interesting character they've given her and then done nothing with it because she wakes up from nightmares and immediately starts writing things down and things like that. Oh, yeah, that's her thing. And it's like, okay, well, let's see where this goes. No, no, no. That was an interesting thing to make part of her thing. Did you notice that there's all kinds of weird biblical joke dialogue like when the guy wouldn't house has no power and Frank finds candles. And Bill is like asking you shall receive. I think that tried to be clever. I will give one nice note about this film. Yeah, there are It looks like he spent a little time constructing some shots of these for a while and a shower of ill that work out what a great shot on film for a movie that was clearly not going to be shown in the theaters. Yeah, I mean, the first shot of them removing the confessional. That's a nice overhead shot and some nice Dutch angles and some lower angles that were really well done. And then it's like, Okay, I just gotta get this movie done. Yeah, it does. I mean, I did for a while think because though, it was either a Dutch angle or a lower angle. Yeah. And I thought this this camera guy you know just got out of film school and he's like, we're doing what we're making a horror movie. I'll right I signed the book how to do this. Get my lay down pad. And at about this time, very early on, I realized that this is got to be kind of the first of the fan film kind of productions that we're seeing so many of lately. It's It's a company that must have realized that they didn't have to own the rights to anything to make an Amityville film. Yeah. And it's not called The Amityville Horror curse. No, it's called the amodio curse. So anyhow, the house gets up to its usual shenanigans. Assuming this is the Amityville house, which clearly is not but the waterpipes are all fucked up immediately. I was like, Okay, this is familiar ground to trot. Oh, yes. Like KUVO now, there is a shower that spews slow, whiteboards, some blood blood ish blood and literally a cat jumpscare that isn't done correctly. Oh, God, I know. She's scared by the cat. But there's no way the audience ever would be because the shot doesn't work at Feel like a cat. Right? You know what? It's yeah, it's really interesting. There are aside from a few isolated shots that like Eric, you said really work. So much of it is shot in such a perfunctory TV movie manner. It doesn't really make a lot of use of the of the of the wide screen and it's just, you know, and then it's like, there are basic there are moments like that that are so fundamentally incompetent technically that you might scratching your head. Okay, except that this clearly did what it was supposed to do. Okay, this director a, you know, 30 year long career so far. I don't think you could count on that. Now. He had three and a half million dollars. I'm gonna assume that's Canadian dollars, so about $350,000. But He parlayed that at a time when we didn't know any better into a film that probably made enough money to then, you know, fund his next project. Exactly. So anyway, let's see, what am I notes everybody in this movie is so goddamn unlikable. During the scene where they're all talking in front of the fireplace. Marvin is such a massive prick, that it's impossible to believe that anyone would go into any kind of business with him. Yes. Oh, God, I know. Where I think the George Costanza parallel is completed very early on because he has this tendency to do the George Costanza thing of bragging about what a spectacular deal he's negotiated for himself. And I Abby, the artists character who's played by Cassandra Gava, the the witch who shut up Conan and Conan the Barbarian, she has some Actually, she's like, the only character that I think is remotely interesting and likeable in the movie, because she gets some great line zingers in. And her character actually, I think gets to be more entertaining as the movie goes on. And sometimes it feels almost like she's commenting. Like outside of the movie on the movie, you know? Well, I also like her relationship with Frank they feel like the only real couple they're the only ones that have a fucking libido, you know, any through any true interaction with each other their dialogue skills, you know, to what you would expect from real people who have bought into a house and are now for whatever reason, deciding, you know, we have no idea where these guys live, but why they have to stay in the house while they're doing this. Oh, God, I can set it just go home and come back the next morning. Well, I just think again, Abby, the thing this moment that endeared me to the abbey character in the movie is early on. When Deb is walking through I think it's the kitchen and her foot gets caught on the floorboards the board snap and it gets caught in and then she starts screaming. And then Mel Marvin goes, who's that? And then Abby goes, it's your wife, Marvin. And then they run in to save her ankle from you. I know her exactly. Okay, now you reminded me why I thought they must be husband and wife because they kept thinking they're just boyfriend girlfriend. Nobody's wearing a ring. Yeah. So yeah, there was a didn't work production value to get fake wedding rings, right? No, apparently not. And the back story around like a washer that was like just big enough to fit as a waiting room for college students that we have, which are the characters Kim that was playing was very non emotional in this film. He was very strange reactions to the things going on around him. But I have that's part of my theory. Yeah. Ah, we also get the introduction, the introduction of the old lady outside at night, and it's such a strange, boring shot that I was like, Okay, we saw a long shot of this house. It looks like it's out in the middle of a fucking field. And yet she is walking past it. and Mrs. Moriarty. We don't know that. Yes. Sorry. Spoiler alert. Because the beat that I want to get to is in the middle of all of this really boring story and footage going on. We suddenly get this fucking amazing dream sequence. That's right. It's so gorgeous. Debbie. She's coming down the stairs and a little night dress. And then she turns and sees the fireplace roar. And then the crucifix falls off the wall. And then she goes down to the basement and a little nitrous and and then the tarantula crawling on her toe and then her finding the cat it's just so fucking gorgeous. I almost felt like okay, maybe this is gonna kick in now and stuffs gonna start happening on the on the second viewing it was like, oh, somebody else shot this. I was like somebody came in and shattered dreams is day one was the App Directory getting the stuff out without that cool shot. This was day two. I have a theory about this. I think that Barry or whoever actually directed this sequence you Other select sequences in the movie has a major Lucho for cheap Boehner oh sure yeah you know who does have a Lucio Fulci Boehner you because yeah you find everything seriously this entire there were so many little visual like touchstones that are very folchi you have the kid hanging himself in the tree you have the dog that is that is with him that decides to be nasty towards Frank you have the wealth there's there's a lot of other things that we'll get to but I really think yeah, the tarantulas that's very beyond but now you know, they're sure there's so much of this. It's somebody who had a faulty Boehner and not enough budget or resourcefulness to, to climax. I just want to point out the cat that she finds in the dream scene Yes. is such an attractive fucking cat. I was like a cat. I was like if I had a cat I would want him to look like this kind of really pretty Tabby with a white nose and chin. I was like, Man, that's a good looking cat. tell you how boring this movie is is the cat shows up that I'm suddenly perked up I'm like, Damn, that's a good looking cat. This actually getting back to help fucking doll this movie is for so much of its running. I you know of course we talked about when we were doing the first episode of The Amityville Horror, we were talking about how the movie is such a manifestation of like yuppie homeowner consumer fears. It's as much about your fears of what's happening to your property and your money as it is about the fucking ghosts and spirits and evil that's at hand the money at this movie. Yeah, this movie fetishize is that to an immense degree, yet there are movies that are so dull, it's like watching paint dry. Again, this movie there's so much Home Improvement bullshit going on that it's really boring because you're actually watching somebody watching paint dry. It's really it's everything in finite detail. Almost every single so called suspense scene and Stinger is about some shit going wrong with the house it has, it doesn't ultimately ended up being anything that raises the stakes. It's just Oh shit. The the water main broke, and it sprayed rusty water all over. Conan shipping, which white? They know, it's like, you know, and then No, it's a fuse box. It's not working. You know, it's like, I know more about the inside of this fucking house than I ever would even fucking think to care about learning about this house, it almost feels like we need to say let's get the jumpscare but we're cleaning the house. So because they don't fix it in any meaningful way. Good way to do so unless accounts stripping the paint with the acidic turpentine solution that's never going to show up in any way shape, or form. And later in the movie. I want to just remind you that the the dream sequence ends with her sitting up and screaming That's something evil in the house, which is very similar to Margot kiters. They shot him in. Yes, exactly. I also love the next day they're trying to get the power on in the house. And of course, the way to discuss that is to see if the power tools work. So there's all these sharp things that they're pointing at their faces and all this stuff. Why are you holding a circular cylinder that's one of the one of the guests guys Bill who has the most hideous perm mullet in cinema history, and has a fetish for classical music. That's his Quirk. He listens to classical music. It's just he's he's the one who's who's working with the nail gun, right? The pneumatic nail gun, and then the power happens to come on right in time for full full full for nails to go right in the direction of Marvin and almost hit Marvin. It's a trope that I'm really tired of i The nail gun trope is it was fun. It's been overused and it's an impossible thing, right? It it hurt but a killing you. It's not that you can't shoot nails out of a nail gun. No, you have to hit the hit the contact or even press you press against the wood and that's where it goes in killjoy. Yeah, you just wouldn't be able to point it shooted at anybody, so whatever. So I'm just saying, Hey, I think that we're all savvy enough to know this. Let's not do this anymore. Although this is 34 years ago, whatever. So now Mrs. Moriarty suddenly shows up the house. She's got to fake I miss this bar er, Moriarty. She was shields the cat. And she speaks completely and platitudes. All will be revealed. The Lord works in mysterious ways. If this person actually walked into your house, you'd be fucking furious, and no jury would convict you for killing. Amen, which is what's gonna happen. Spoiler alert, god. Okay, so now we get to the point you guys were talking about the Ghost Dog shows After attacks Kinkos I would say don't worry about it because he clearly is not his reaction to a German Shepherd hanging off of his forearm. He's pretty nonplussed. He does not scream. He doesn't yell. He doesn't even look angry. I love dogs so much. Yes, it should have been like, what's his name? The dog after escaping from the dog, the dog literally breaks into the house. Yes. That was like, wow, this is a powerful goes at his sleeve, you know? Yeah. And ruin is lovely at late 80s preppy sleeve and then repelled by the sight of the crucifix, right? Yes. It's not a calf. Let's, let's remember this. Yes, because this part makes my theory fall apart. I mean, everything in this movie doesn't work with itself. They finally find down in the basement, the locked door that's been nailed shut. And of course they tear the nails out. And Frank goes in and he finds all the church stuff. At this point, I was kind of watching this. And despite the fact that Marvin is super annoying, and that Frank has no emotions, except when he has all the emotions. I was thinking, you know, none of the acting is terrible. It's fine. As long as what they're trying to portray is that they are the worst human beings on the planet. Exactly. Yeah. They're just all so fucking selfish and absurd. Anyhow, they find the church stuff. And then the house goes crazy doors opening slamming shut windows opening closing. And of course, when it ends, Marvin refuses to believe any of it happened. And I'm not sure where he was while the house was going crazy and why he didn't experience it. Yeah, he comes in. And he's like, what's, what's everybody doing? Well, he's like, he's goes to that bar, whatever. And has that weird random? Oh, he's a psychologist. I didn't realize that. I think that's after this, though. Oh, I thought you said at the end. Yeah, that's, that's, yeah, that's after that. Yeah. So all this. And he's like, I think it's just mass hysteria. None of this stuff is actually well, I guess. Yeah, I know about mass hysteria. I'm fine with that, except for the house has gone apeshit when they opened the basement doors. And where was Marvin that he didn't experience any of it. They were all in the house. Director's Cut. Please, Eric, you talk about that scene in the bar. Prior to that, in the bar, the girls are having a conversation. And it sounds like they have live music playing in the background, which they recorded, and then just pointed a microphone at the two girls for their conversation. And so you can't hear a goddamn word they're saying to each other. Yeah, it took a few tries. Subtitles. Oh, well. I know. Are you talking about the part where Debbie is asking Abby if? If she thinks that Debbie isn't saying yes. Yeah, that whole scene? Yeah. Yeah. Like this is not how you dialogue. And unfortunately, it's only having watched it five times all the way through that I that I caught that detail Trainspotting is one of the few movies that figured out how to do that damn scene. Subtitle thank you from the Okay, so about this time, Frank. See, they've all gone to the bar. But Frank is staying home because he's got a migraine. He's got a migraine. He's getting heavy. He's starting to have issues. He tries to drown himself in the tub. Because it makes the pain go away. I guess we're supposed to realize he's getting possessed by the house. But I thought he was just a very troubled man. Could be nicotine poisoning. I mean, he has that smoking at all. It'll come back. It'll come back to haunt Oh, yeah. Bill, the other asshole the one who owns the restaurant. And who likes classical music and who has a really bad per Mueller this opera on headphones while he's trying to sleep. He fucking infuriates me. Now listen, I listened to music playing lately to go to sleep. You know, down on volume one. Yeah, but not on headphones. Oh, you know what else I really loved? Is that, like the one scene where you hear him grunting co idly and you have them the shot gradually lowers and you see him kind of bobbing up and down. Like he's in the act. And then it like actually settles on him in the classical music's playing. And then it settles on him and he's actually doing push ups yes to classical music, but he's grunting like he's getting way busy. And it's it's really disconcerting, which he got unto yourself. But he's the he's also doing the clapping, push ups. Push and clap. Okay. He didn't do the Jack Palance one arm pushup. Well, it's been brilliant because we found No, this is how we differentiate him from everybody, I guess is besides the music work, he owns a restaurant. Yes. Right? Yes. makes one call about it. Right? My assistant managers great. We're having to turn away reservations. Like maybe you should just stay away then, you know, exposition in one line. My character has been defined in one line and four selections of classical music that were human domain. He also has a spider the size of a cat crawling on his chest at one point straight to sleep Boehner, Boehner, Boehner, I was thinking myself that is definitely enough to leave the house as far as I'm concerned. infected with spiders. That large spider was that big crawling on me. I would be like, hey, you know what, you guys? I'll pump in a little extra money or something. But I'm leaving. I'm not sleeping elsewhere. I wake up for you know, as a tarantula. Yes. Also, the next morning he doesn't mention it to anybody. You think that he'd be like, you guys should have seen the spider that was crawling on my chest? Have you seen spiders around? Anyway, Moriarty Yes, the old lady. Already already. This is Moriarity she shows up unannounced, of course, and is then killed by somebody pushing her down the stairs. Yes, that's where I got the real close shot of the basement stair or the basement door realize that confessional does not come in that way. No, definitely not. So well. Maybe they took it all apart. They dismantled it and just reassembled it all. They painstakingly reassemble it back to the shot very early on when they first walk in and he touches that weird banister going down the stairs to the basement. It just falls apart where it's always been obviously cut. Yeah. So it's like yeah, that's that was damaged when they brought the congressional town solace and she gets she gets killed by somebody pushing her down the stairs. Right. But the police show up and they treat it immediately like a crime scene. Yes. And I don't think that it would start out that way. They've literally put a a white chalk outline around as if this were Americana love, but they're not acting like it's a murder. And they wouldn't act like it was a murder. There's an old lady who fell down the stairs. She's like, holy shit. This has never happened before. This must be murder. And then we get the police. Yeah, Sergeant exposition of the Amityville Police Department shows up and tells them everything that has happened in the history of the EXIF exposition has been promoted. So what we find out is that the person who killed the priest is was his son that he had during a tryst with one of his congregation and then he ignored the Son as he was growing up right? i I'm actually absolutely fine with this storyline. I don't understand why it is an n n and Amityville movie fight. I have serious issues with this because it implies that a Catholic priest would have a heterosexual sexual relationship with an adult, sorry to all of our Catholic as a as a pronounced ex Catholic preaching to the choir. I do like the idea that apparently they're selling us on the idea that Amityville is just a haunted town. Well, there's that whole exchange between the two guys at the bar completely bored and irritated as shit at Marvins blathering, understandably so let's understand those two guys are the best characters in the film. Oh, I know when the second one leans over and looks at at Marvin after he's been flapping his gums interminably and says I'm gonna give it to you straight. You're fully shit. No, no, you don't know shit. And I'm like Pacquiao. I would love to see those two guys. Just at the end of every Amityville movie God can you believe like the Statler and Waldorf fucking Amityville full franchise and you believe another family moved in and got slaughtered? fuck is going on with these people. Dammit This isn't this isn't just bricks and boards console so they're kind of the kind of hinting that the house isn't the Amityville house now, but just another example. Oh, they literally I really feel like that's the case. They're, I think what they're trying to do actually, in their own rinky dink dollar store away is establish an entire franchise kind of like, like carpenter wanted to do with Halloween three where you have all of these movies called Halloween. Right, you know, and like setting them all in Amityville. That was good. It worked because the the Amityville Horror sounds like a Lovecraft story. You know, it sounds like the Dunwich Horror or the horror at read. to hook you know, so if they had just made Amityville like, like, which haunted Arkham or something like that, you kind of like, oh, well shit now, but now we can just shoot in every other house like they're doing right. Yeah. So it would have worked. I don't know. Well, finally shit starts to happen. Marvin goes down, finds confessional and is shoved in there by someone. He's all of a sudden going to believe everything everybody's been saying. Yeah, because he has shot in the head. At the same time, the police are uncovering the video of who pushed the old lady down the star on the stairs, and it is based on Frank's juice. And now all of the shots we got of his stupid boots make sense to oh, we we all had to come to this conclusion. And this is why we saw him stomp out every cigarette. Why we saw cigarette smoke preceding the initial execution of priests to mention at the beginning Okay, so okay, you're on the same page. I am that Tony. He Yeah, he squashes his cigarettes very strangely. I gotta say, you know who uses the heel of their boot as opposed to the front of their boot? I think it's made to make you make a connection. It's like what an unusual I'd never would have noticed that boots otherwise, right? So if Frank is now fully possessed, maybe he is somehow bothered by discordant notes on a piano though when he's gonna kill desert. It was like the church organs. Yeah, but still why? Yeah, exactly. And this is at this point in time, Coates. His performance is like full on over the top, operatic batshit nuts. And I was really enjoying him at this point. Yeah, the movie does. I mean, it really picks up in the last, I would say 15 minutes is generous, because it's more like eight. But the last eight minutes, I would go well, you've got the you've got the final sort of I do appreciate how they interspersed the kind of return to the footage of the priests being executed with Marvin being right shot. You know, I liked that, that I thought that that was some interesting editing going on. It was an attempt at something that was jarring and unsettling. That felt like it was an attempt at something jarring and unsettling, not something that was in Congress and not fucking working. Part of the problem with Kim's character is that he is a charismatic actor. When he is on he is really good. He can command a scene. And I'm guessing that I'm totally making shit up at this point. But in casting, they're going, Wow, this guy's great. He will be the end he'll be so good for our ending. But we have to stifle it through the entire rest of the movie. Or he'll overshadow everybody else we, yeah. Or everybody will know he's got to be a key character because they just he's so dull. Until he's not. Yeah, I mean, the real problem is they want this to be a mystery movie. Yeah, who done it? Well, and I'm sorry, but it was pretty. I mean, I think anybody can figure out the whole angle with the boot because you see, I want to say Don't you see at the beginning Don't you see his belly as he's walking away? No, you see the smoking though? So there's there's inferences going but the okay that it took me a solid three feelings to figure out that Frank was the son of the hoist. Yeah, that he was the killer at the beginning that because it looked like him. But then it was like, at what point does he walk into this house and go Yeah, I probably shouldn't be here. As a tied to my past that I probably should not reveal to people well, and also he sounds totally different. Because when they're when they're playing out the entire flashback scene of when he's about to execute the priest and he's like, Bless me father for I have sinned. So I've you You son of a man. And then and then there's at one point, you know, he's full on cracked and he's like, he gives the greatest in, in, you know, cheap, low budget, genre cinema history. He's absolutely. I think he's great in the movie. And I also love how Debbie is going at him with the sawblades. Well, okay, so before she throws the, the D. The turpentine, which we've seen being applied because we we get to watch paint, dry, watch, paint disintegrate when you put turpentine on it? Right? Oh, be careful with that honey. It's really it'll burn, which it does. She throws it on his face. And and this is the point where because from this point on this way, say you're being a little generous with 15 minutes from the point on where she goes down to the basement, Debbie. There's only eight minutes left in the movie. Oh, that's right. So it's actually it's a solid right it's it's a solid eight minutes. But yeah, there is also a pretty horrific degloving scene. Yeah, that was oh, yeah, this was nice. Not all the makeups very good. The other thing again, we're getting there are two, there are two o modules that are happening with the franc acid splash in the face seat thing. One of them is the opening of the beyond. Okay, where the artist gets like thrown in his face and it's melting off. And then the other is Amityville to the possession because at this point, when they throw the acid at him, and his face is deformed, and he's paler and he's running around, and he's really hitting full on, you know, creepy psycho mode. It really was it felt probably accidentally I don't, wouldn't give this movie too much credit, but it felt accidentally, like it was kind of harkening back to Amityville to Jack Mangere character, I'm gonna say you're fairly generous in your interpretations although I understand exactly what you're because I saw it five times what you're referencing and what you're referencing it to at the same time. Looking at the directors catalogue of work afterwards Hey, I think in full cheese wanted to do its second director had a Jeep owner I know this I feel this in my bones makes it much better. Oh, I agree. And also it's the whole mining pearls out of a desert thing. You know? Bill the asshole restaurant tour is is killed off screen. What? Yeah, that last week. I was like, You guys have really so little going for this film. And one of the things you decide to not show us as a kill of one of the characters and one of the firing annoying characters. Yeah, you remember Day of the Dead. There's a reason or Dawn of the Dead. There's a reason certain people killed really graphically right, because we hate them. Right. Thank you. Frank chases Debbie halfheartedly around the house and it's pretty lousy until she starts throwing salt blades out. She throws a circular saw blade at him and it hits his leg and his he gives great psychotic. Mo mon pain. Yeah, face you know, he's like, that's the Mr. Spock. It's great. I love it. I mean, she's whipping him at him like like Frisbees. Aggressive and I'm like, this is such a cool idea. It's really a bummer that it showed up in this movie. And then the fucking nail gun again. I feel like you'd have to get hit point blank in the head for that to kill you. No matter how many times you were hit by a nail. But she gets him a couple of times in the chest. And he I was impressed by that. Or is because Abigail shows up. Oh, and that's the other thing. An enormous amount of screen time is dedicated towards Abigail, getting the flat tire on Frank or on Marvins car, loading it onto Bill scooter driving Bill scooter to the fucking service station to get the fucking thing refilled and patched. And then coming back again. It's like it's almost comical how much fucking runtime is given to that right out the middle of nowhere. Thank you guarantee this one does not build tension. I'll guarantee it was to hit a time thing because this movie is 92 minutes. Oh, you know and so she shows up, and he starts attacking her until he is stabbed with a giant cross from downstairs which apparently releases the demon from the confessional just in time to blow the doors open wide when the cops show up. And then we get a final shot of the house with the upstairs lights coming on and a nod I guess to the windows of the original house, but it's a pretty sad replacement. These are BD ly windows. So that is the movie we we all agree then that Frank is the son of the of the priests. Yeah, beginning okay. Because that was so confusing to me. I was like, what's the deal with the hung boy and his dog? Yeah. Now I know that the cops are saying, Well, we think he's the guy but he hung himself before we get to him 40 Boehner. Right. So then, is the dog real? Because the dog seems to appear and disappear at will or Boehner. And it's gonna I'm gonna press this to the end, my friend if the dog is there to avenge his master who killed himself because then why is the dog afraid of a crucifix? Isn't every evil thing? Why is he evil if his master de la la la la la la, la la la la la la la la. I'm kidding. So sort of your theory isn't doesn't help the movie as what you say you had a theory that well thanks We found no i got i theory got was was then seconded by Tony as soon as he said that, yes, Frank was a killer at the beginning it took me like three viewings, to see that, that confessional scene at the beginning again and go. Oh, is that Kim Coates? It kind of looks like him. I think maybe because I did watch all of Sons of Anarchy. I picked up pretty quickly. Okay, that's what it was just because he speaks very differently throughout all of Sons of Anarchy depending on this going super early in his career to which is interesting. And he, he, he fucking brings it. He brings it at the end, I say, and he's given the chance he does some good shit. Yeah. Okay, it's the whole is the dog evil or is the dog vengeful and vengeful than wise, the crucifix bothering him? But if he's Jewish, he's a Jewish dog mind. Is he alive or dead? Did the dog also hang himself? We don't get to know any of that. But how come the dog can disappear at will also you didn't question dogs move slow. Yeah, I'm not gonna disappear, relatively speaking. You're correct. Yes. You know, what did the other interesting things about the movie is that for me prior to going into it, when I read the cast list, it took a second for it to click that Kim Coates was the Sons of Anarchy guy, but the name the one name that I recognize right away, ironically enough, was the name of the priest, Yan Mobis. That's the actor. And this is a guy who played he played the patriarch of the Amish village in witness and Peter Weir's with it, which is a great movie and he's actually really effective in it. And he's done. He's he was in like, the mighty but ducks too, and a lot of other character roles. Also, interestingly enough, he is the father of the annoying asshole with the bad mullet. Who? Christopher John Rubis, or whatever his name is, is actually Yan Rubis. His son, Christopher, Jonah. Oops, that's the that's the bad hair. Mullet guy Malika? did not. I didn't even note that. Isn't that wild? Although I do have tag lines if you're interested. Well, sure, please. It began with a murderer and a hanging now the innocent would pay for the sins of the guilty. It began as a best selling book, then exploded into movie history by shocking audiences around the world. Now one of the greatest hot horror sagas of all time returns. Hello, there's more. Just when he thought it was safe to go back home again. Glad I got to like that one. Yeah, when the innocence paid for the sense of guilty and a return to the most dangerous house in the world. It was danger. Well, you know when it should be listed as the most dangerous house in the world of everybody. See, that's a good point. Okay, well then, let me bring up some notes and stuff that I found on this. This is very loosely based on the book The Amityville curse, which is written by Hansel so the book is very confusing in that it is entirely fictional detailing of how the house at 112 Ocean Avenue was once a rectory, where one of the priests died. And that is how the house subsequently becomes haunted. But Hans holsters 1979 book murder and Amityville which is the basis of Amityville to tells a completely different story of why the house is haunted. Oh, so yeah, that's true. It's not it's not the same house. In his book it is. Oh, okay. I haven't read the book. So I have a fan theory about that. Oh, I actually hate to show. But the house is linked to 112 over that Ocean Avenue through the tunnels, right. It's one of the first three films, right. The 2023 movie, The Amityville curse, which is also available on TV right now is an adaptation of the same book, but apparently it is much closer to the source novel. Are either of you familiar with this book? If not, yeah, you'd read it. Yeah, it's, it's you know, it's as made up as most of the Amityville Horror is sure this is completely fictional in that it's a group of people who go to buy the house, and then flip it. Yeah. The stuff that they encounter, you know, that's another thing I think that this movie is unexpected, unexpectedly pioneering in its minutia regarding the house renovations in house flipping it's like a home and gardening TV network house flippers show with a little bit horror, and this would have been the perfect place for you know, one of them to be down in the basement is like Well, you got yourself your standard. Well, to hell here. This is going to be tough to cover up. Yeah, I want the kids playing around this. According to an interviewer In an interview with director Tom berry on the Canadian International pictures blu ray release, Hans Holzer hit the production with the lawsuit during pre production for an additional $10,000. The production team going against Tom Berry's judgment agreed and offered to pay him the $10,000 but after submitting it, holsters legal team came back demanding $100,000. The production team refused and the lawsuit went to court in Denver, Colorado where the judge ruled in favor of the production team and ordered holster to pay all of their legal fees. Oops. And then finally I guess I have talked a little bit about this guy in the last episode, but in the next episode, which we recorded many months ago, I found a particular Amazon reviewer. Oh, whom I love very much and he has reviewed the Amityville curse in October of 2016. John Jacob, Jacob it's hard not to just say why that's my name to Jacob John Taylor 15 in October of 2016 gave this film 10 out of 10 He says this is better than the first four Amityville movies. This is a great horror film and it has a great storyline. It also has great acting. It also has great special effects. The first four Amityville movies are very scary. This is the fifth one and it is better. I do not know why it got to 2.8 that is underrating it. I get a 10 out of town. It is a great horror film. Amityville dollhouse is better. But still, this is a very scary movie. See it? It is one of the scariest movies from 1990 If you do not get scared that no movie will scare you. This is one of the scariest movies of all time. It is a must see. It is very scary. I need more lines and I'm running out of things to say. Great movie. Great movie. Great movie. See it? I love it. Okay, I do. John, John Taylor. Schmidt. Well, okay, the things that we normally talk about, do we like this movie? No. No, basically, it was I you if you must force yourself to watch it on to be watched the first five minutes for basic setup and then fast forward straight to the last 10 to 12 minutes. Give yourself a little push into that eight minute female or, or you can do like I did, which is watch the first five minutes get and then let your wandering attention span do its thing and go do your laundry and your dishes and clean your bathroom and organized shelves all of which I did. For most of the running time for the first few times. I watched this fucking thing. This is I have made my dislike of the first Amityville film pretty clear and sharp. I've thought that two three and four have all been better than the first Amityville. Five is not better than the first Amityville film. Nope. Now I think you had mentioned once before it's bigger than is it's boring. It is. So that's it. That is that's the first thing I thought after the first time it through I watched it is this commit to the ultimate cardinal sin of a, quote bad movie unquote, which is that it is just plain dull. Yeah, it is dull as dishwater for so much of its runtime. Well, unless you're into home improvement. If you're into home improvement, you're gonna be riveted to the fucking screen. I think it'd be frustrated with that too, because they don't do it. That's very well at all. It's like cold as you're painting. Now you're doing electrical flubbing. But the the previous one, which we for which we talked to withhold Halutz is at least amusing there's so much ridiculousness with the lamp and all the strange shit going on. Yeah, it becomes there's an amusement factor. And this one doesn't have that if they made it Marvin, the psychologist guy. Yeah, if they'd made him more ridiculous if they upped if he upped his effort a little bit more to where he was over the top of villainy, Sterling his moustache. It might have been more fun to watch but he's just an asshole. Oh, I don't know there's there's like that one though. There's several points where he is like really being super mansplaining and Deke like there's one. There's one point where Debbie is like, questioning whether her sanity and stuff and he's just like don't get into it. Just don't get don't start this up again. And it's just like, he's so condescending. He's such a prick. It's just like, Oh, he's just even flirt with they flirt with the absurdity factor in the scene at the bar. And he's talking to the to townies, and they dress him down. Yeah, there's actually it's like, well, it's still like comedic blue balls because it feels like it's moving towards legitimately being funny. And then although it does have a nice punch line with the townie saying you don't know shit. But yeah, it feels like it's squandered that too I agree his character should be more over the top and less of a doll mansplaining prick. Every time I hear Debbie I want to go depth a part of the problem is the generic pneus of the confessional being the haunted object. It's too big to be somewhere where we can see it doing anything, right? That's true. And it's it's also just a it's a big box. Like we're gonna get into a clock. You know, you can watch that doing things and the fact that it fucks with time makes sense because it's a clock. This is a confessional. This is like having, you know, whatever those Transformers were that were knockoff transformers that that turned into rocks. Oh, right. And it was just like, well, Romney, yeah, rock Lord or some like that. It's like, okay, well, one version of it is a robot. That's awesome. And the other version is a rock. I got her rock. And so you're, you're like, Okay, this confessional is basically a rock down in the basement that doesn't do anything. It has no moving parts that can make it look creepy or anything like that? Well, they do. I think they do make fairly effective use. It makes a fairly effective assassination site because because you see the UC Well, in hindsight, you see Kim Coates is Frank's hand slamming through the grading the kind of wooden grading that's on the side of it and that's kind of its cheaply visually effective but as you're absolutely right as a haunted object, but the problem is it's never it's not in a position where you're passing by it it's not part of the atmosphere of the movie it's locked literally locked away and hidden for well, not entirely it's not sufficiently menacing when you finally get to it you know, it's like you said it's a fucking box with slats the the use of it as a as a place for an assassination is great in say a mob movie. Yes. Corrupt has been drugged, mob or spy or something like that style. And so then the fact that Frank is not getting possessed, but has to just at just act strangely enough for the murder mystery part to be revealed. Yeah. Everything just hampers this story. The story is not good, either. It's very generic and boring. But if they had done something else, to turn this into a haunted house film instead of just a murder, mystery, yeah, I agree. And I think there's really, I've sat through the entire movie five times, obviously, and ended up thinking at the end that Frank could just as easily just be going psycho. Yeah, there may be nothing supernatural whatsoever. Yeah, that's, that's absolutely what it is. And it's yeah, it's got it's almost I know, it's not Hallmark, but it's almost like a hallmark Amityville movie in that there is a ghost, you'd have the one girl can see. That's true. And the ghost doesn't really do anything, right? No. So it now kind of makes sense that that guy that it satisfies the stimulation of the 40 Boehner Oh, am I he's got full T blue balls. But yeah, you would have blue balls after watching Amen. Because they're the Gore is so pale and won in this there's this moon that some of that makeup on his face at the end and stuffs little rough. Yeah. And and just the payoff of the film is so Yeah, nothing. Yeah, the cop let me get this straight. The two girls are gonna walk away from what is a five person murder scene that the cops have all shown? Sure. Like, okay, I'm guessing you're going to be contacted at the near future. Okay, she's anything else we want to talk about on this film, Tony. I don't know. I just I want to come back to Cassandra Gava. As Abigail who I actually genuinely enjoy her character in this and I and I thought she was I thought she's actually surprisingly good. And also, I think her character is the only genuinely funny one in the movie. And so you touch a little bit on something too there where there have been previous me reveals that the acting was not as good as this one. I know but the story doesn't all bad. It's all bad. Oh, well. Yeah, not fun. Okay, well, I think this is the part on that merry note. So we wind things up. Tony, where can people find you if they want to find you? Or if you want them to find you? Well, I mean, at the moment I I'm very old school I don't use Twitter or x a lot. These days Excellent. But that's about overwhelm. Yeah, I am on Facebook, I am on Twitter slash x. I am writing for the sun break.com as well as artist home.org and the websites for my forthcoming podcast should be going up in a couple of weeks. That is reel to reel dementia.com. Much more to come and I will surely come to one. know both of you gentlemen, at some point to play in my sandbox. Oh, that sounds fun. Fun. That'd be cool. Eric, what about you? Where can people find you? A usual place strange aeons radio is a good location. I'm currently continuing to go through the 100 days of horror, which is proving very interesting and starting to get fun now that I'm not chasing a particular series of movies or anything, just scattershot. And so you can see that on Instagram under eat more great or dead air. I like that you have no idea what you are. Just post shit. Find me on my socials which I have no idea at all. My Instagram tag is so freakin obtuse. It's not even funny. Yes, I'm not even gonna bother. I remember seeing that. What the hell is this? A long story. But strange aeons radio, attaches to everything else I got going on. Right. You can find me there with Eric every Thursday, and Vanessa strange aeons radio where it's just a regular pop culture, movie, podcast and occasionally guest Oh, such as Anthony James gay. You can also find me at my website written by k l. young.com. Where there are some chat books available and some new stuff coming out very shortly. Very excited about and also a little shout out to someone whose opinion means a great deal to me who told me that the Amityville episodes are her favorite episodes. Okay, so Oh, thank you very much. That makes me feel like we're actually doing something cool. So next time, we are talking about Amityville, six, it's time. Yeah. Or Amityville? 92. I believe it's called. That one's already in the can. So the next one for me is going to be Amityville. The next generation. That's right. Oh, cool. I'm looking forward to you know, starting to get into these 2000s Amityville holes. I have a feeling next generation is about the last of the good ones. It's got a stellar cast, so I can't wait to talk about that one. But otherwise, tune in next week for regular strange aeons radio. Yes. Alright, so you guys think Oh. There was something about green slime. What was that on the wall in the movie? That's green slime comes out of the walls. Right. Georgia that happened as the movie did it not exactly. No. It was more of a gelatin kind of substance that we thought the children had somehow make something up and spilled it around the house. The next time it happened because we were at school. And there was just no way to explain how it got there. Did you won't call a you know a contractor or a carpenter or anybody to come and look at it and try to several repairman come in. Telephone repairman came three times because each time we're trying to communicate with the priests we will run into faulty connections. We had extreme fluctuations in the heat between 40 and 50 degree fluctuations. Take time serviceman came in. On time he was there, he heard the furnace functioning, and yet there was no heat within the house. The temperature was at 40 and your thermostat ready to be continued on the next episode of The Amityville Horror Picture Show.